


2 warlocks, 3 shadowhunters & A vampire walk into a loft

by HopeSilverheart



Series: Loving Em at 2AM [60]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec & Izzy both had a crush on Raphael, Alec Lightwood Is So Done, Alternate Universe - Canon, Banter, Bickering, Boys In Love, Crack, Drunken Shenanigans, F/F, Fluff, Fools in Love, Girls in Love, Humour, M/M, Magnus Bane is a Little Shit, Raphael Santiago Is A Little Shit, Sexual Humor, The others are very drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25211356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeSilverheart/pseuds/HopeSilverheart
Summary: As soon as the first sentence slipped out of Raphael’s mouth, however, he knew exactly where the vampire was going with his tale, and he did not approve.“You know, I have a very interesting story about a pair of young shadowhunters that I’ve never told anyone before,” Raphael said, and Alec straightened up in his seat, doing his best not to jostle his boyfriend. “It was what… Ten years ago? Something like that, although I’ll admit my perception of time is hardly the best. If only I knew someone else who had been there that day…”He turned to look at Alec mischievously, before turning his wicked stare on Isabelle who clearly knew what Raphael was talking about. As though either of them could have forgotten about that fateful day.Or: A family night turns into chaos when Raphael brings up the crush two shadowhunters used to have on him.
Relationships: Isabelle Lightwood/Catarina Loss, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Raphael Santiago/Jace Wayland
Series: Loving Em at 2AM [60]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764400
Comments: 6
Kudos: 122





	2 warlocks, 3 shadowhunters & A vampire walk into a loft

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatnerdemryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemryn/gifts).



> I blame this on Morgan & the Malec server

Alec had never had a problem with Jace’s boyfriend.

Raphael wasn’t the warmest or fuzziest guy in the world, but neither was Alec, so their friendship was a relatively easy one to navigate. They didn’t talk a lot, but Raphael occasionally invited Alec to spend time at the Dumort, and Alec had yet to decline. Honestly, he quite liked the vampire.

He was polite, serious, but also had a sarcastic streak that Alec appreciated more than anything else about Raphael. Well, there was also the fact that the man made Jace extraordinarily happy, which would always be a good thing in Alec’s book. His parabatai was never happier than when Raphael was around, which meant Alec had never had anything against the vampire’s presence.

He hadn’t, up until the night when Magnus decided to organise a little dinner party with Catarina, Raphael, and the Lightwood siblings. Alec had been delighted, since it was the perfect way to unite both their families, but he should have known things would go south as soon as Isabelle brought out a bottle of vodka and announced they were going to have the best night of their _lives_.

Alec hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol, knowing at least one of them should stay sober, but he was starting to seriously regret that. Everything had been going rather well; everyone had told a story about their childhood, the food had been great, and the atmosphere had been completely relaxed.

Isabelle was snuggled close to her girlfriend, breathing in Catarina’s hair as though it held all the answers to the world, Jace and Raphael were playing footsie across the coffee table and acting like no one knew what they were doing, and Magnus’ head rested comfortably in Alec’s lap. The three couples were at ease, which is of course when Raphael decided to prove that vampires held their alcohol remarkably well and pulled out a story Alec had frankly forgotten about.

As soon as the first sentence slipped out of Raphael’s mouth, however, he knew exactly where the vampire was going with his tale, and he did _not_ approve. But Magnus was laying against him cosily, and Alec was loathe to disturb his peace just to attack his son in all but blood.

“You know, I have a very interesting story about a pair of young shadowhunters that I’ve never told anyone before,” Raphael said, and Alec straightened up in his seat, doing his best not to jostle his boyfriend. “It was what… Ten years ago? Something like that, although I’ll admit my perception of time is hardly the best. If only I knew someone else who had been there that day…”

He turned to look at Alec mischievously, before turning his wicked stare on Isabelle who, even through the haze of vodka and wine, clearly knew what Raphael was talking about. As though either of them could have forgotten about that fateful day.

“I had been invited for some nonsense,” Raphael continued, grinning at Catarina and Magnus, who were gazing at him like he was the most fascinating person in the world. Alec didn’t know if they were always so focused when Raphael told stories, or if they had simply picked up on their partners’ distress. “And I wasn’t allowed to go into the Institute’s main body, since the Heads at the time weren’t half as accommodating as Alec is. There shouldn’t have been anyone there besides the few shadowhunters I was supposed to meet, and yet when I walked into that hideous room, I came face to face with two teenage shadowhunters, one boy and one girl.”

Alec groaned, burying his head in his hands and hoping he could just pass out on the spot and forget about his utter humiliation. He hadn’t known Raphael _remembered_ that day. It seemed so far away for him, like a distant memory that he had carefully repressed, and now there he was, faced with the sudden reminder that it had indeed happened. Raziel, he wished it hadn’t. He would do anything to get rid of that day, if only so he didn’t have to suffer in silence as Magnus grinned at him widely and Raphael smirked evilly.

“I didn’t know who they were, at first, but they were both cute enough and didn’t seem to be afraid of me, so I saw no harm in talking to them,” Raphael continued. “They were both staring at me as though I was a mystery to them, but there was no hostility in their gazes, which I found peculiar. And then you’ll never guess what the boy said to me.”

“ _What_?” Catarina breathed out, her eyes wide and eager to hear more. Alec couldn’t believe she was encouraging Raphael, after all her talk of respecting people’s boundaries. “Come on, Raph, don’t keep us on our toes like that.”

“You know, I feel like the boy himself should tell you about our conversation,” Raphael hummed, raising a challenging eyebrow in Alec’s direction. “After all, there’s no better person to recount his words than the one who spoke them in the first place, right? Come on Alec, don’t be shy.”

“I hate you, Santiago,” Alec grumbled, looking away from Magnus’ inquisitive gaze and sticking his tongue out at Izzy, who was laughing her heart out on the floor, having fallen off the armchair she had shared with Catarina at some point. “Why can’t Izzy start? She was there too.”

“But I didn’t speak first!” Izzy exclaimed delightedly, whooping victoriously when Raphael nodded along to her words. “Really, Alec, the one time you decide to speak up before me, and it comes to bite you in the ass. No wonder you let me do all the talking now. That one time must have really traumatised you.”

“Oh, just get on with it!” Catarina said loudly, apologising softly when Isabelle groaned at the volume and slammed her hands over her ears. “But seriously, I want to hear this story. Raphael and Alec in the same room? _With_ Isabelle, and no adults around to supervise them? I like the direction this is going in and I don’t think I’m the only one.”

Jace and Magnus nodded excitedly as she talked, turning towards Alec and sending him their best puppy-eyed looks. Alec caved, but only because he knew Raphael was going to tell the story either way. Definitely not because he was weak for his boyfriend and his parabatai. Absolutely not.

“Alright, fine, although I have to admit I don’t remember the details of our conversation,” Alec shrugged, ignoring Raphael’s disbelieving snort. “That day obviously meant more to Raphael than it did to me, in the grand scheme of things. I had too much going on to think about the vampire I met once.”

“Once, he says,” Isabelle cackled. “Once! Please, Raphael came by once a _week_ after that, and we were both there to see him, every single time.”

The brunette frowned, clearly realising that she had dug herself into a hole at the same time as she had put Alec in it. There was no way she could deny her involvement now that she had admitted to having been there for these events. Unfortunate for her, since she could have probably gotten away with everything had she not spoken up.

“Dumb move, little sister,” Alec grinned. “Anyways, I think the first thing I told Raphael is that I thought vampires glittered. Once again, the details are a little blurry.”

“Oh no, don’t even try to get away with that,” Raphael tutted, leaning forward and capturing his audience’s attention again. “See, it seems little Alec and little Isabelle had gone to see Twilight earlier that month, after having guilt-tripped their parents into taking them to the movies. And so when little Alec saw me, he commented on my lack of glitter and added ‘you’re very pretty, mister vampire, but you’d be even prettier if you sparkled.’ Which was both very flattering and extremely adorable.”

“And then Izzy chimed in,” Alec winked at his sister as she squawked indignantly, having obviously hoped that everyone would just forget about her. As though Alec was going to take the humiliation alone; no, if Raphael insisted on calling him out, then he would insist on calling Izzy out too. “She agreed with me rapidly, saying that vampires were very beautiful, but she hadn’t thought they could be _that_ beautiful, and then blushing when Raphael complimented her back.”

“Hey! I thought you didn’t remember the conversation!” Izzy huffed. “You dirty liar, trying to protect your secrets whilst throwing me under the bus. Because what he’s leaving out is that Raphael complimented _him_ too, and Alec squeaked like a little girl and all but ran out of the room. I stopped him, because I really wanted to keep talking to the vampire, but he was so red, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had exploded on the spot.”

“But that’s not the best part,” Raphael smiled, cutting through the siblings’ bickering easily. God, Alec did not want to get to the next part of that story because, if he was correct, things were about to get worse. “See, the discussion ended soon after that because Maryse stormed in and bodily dragged her kids out, absolutely horrified to find out they had been dealing with a downworlder alone. The Little Lightwoods were adorably put out, but they promised me they would see me again. And lo and behold, when I came back to the Institute a week later, there they were! They had gotten all dressed up for me and were clearly bickering about something, although they stopped as soon as they spotted me.”

“Alec had gotten him _flowers_ ,” Isabelle giggled, pointing at Alec as though he were the most ridiculous person in the world for wanting to impress a boy with flowers. “I mean come on, who on earth gives flowers to a vampire?”

“Right, because a vial of your blood isn’t creepy at all,” Alec snarked back. “She snuck into the lab the night before Raphael stopped by the Institute and drew her own blood as a present for him. If that doesn’t scream weird stalker, I don’t know what does. Besides, flowers are a very appropriate gift, right Jace?”

“I mean, I’ve given Raphael more blood than flowers, if you know what I-”

“ _Ew_ , Jace!” Izzy exclaimed, her face scrunching up in disgust. “Forget we asked, please, just keep your weird sex life to yourself.”

“We don’t even-”

“Yes, Jace, we know, but still, we don’t want to hear about what Raphael does with your blood,” Alec gagged. “Point is, I think flowers were a wonderful idea, and Izzy’s just jealous that she didn’t think of it herself.”

“Just so you know, I thought _both_ gifts were wonderful,” Raphael interrupted them. To Alec’s great embarrassment, he found himself blushing at the vampire’s words as though he actually cared about what Raphael thought of his present. It had been years, for heaven’s sake, it didn’t matter anymore. “But that’s not what this story is about. No, this story is about how two shadowhunters, _siblings_ might I add, spent four months of their lives vying for my attention and trying to get me to go out with one of them.”

“Hold on a second,” Magnus frowned, poking Alec’s stomach repeatedly until he looked down at his boyfriend. “I thought you were in the closet before you met me and all of that happened?”

“Oh, he was,” Isabelle piped up. “He hid it very well, and so did I. I mean, at this point, I’m pretty sure our parents would have been a lot more pissed about the ‘downworlder’ part of Raphael than his gender. We would have been grounded forever if they had found out about what we’d been doing this whole time. Thankfully, sneaking around was basically our best skill at the time, so meeting Raphael was a piece of cake. We would always disappear before anyone could spot us.”

“Which, unfortunately, often meant I couldn’t give them a straight answer,” Raphael said, his lips twitching as he tried – and failed – to contain his smile. “They would talk at me for minutes on end, telling me they thought I was so cool, and that vampires really weren’t that bad and all that nonsense, and they would leave before I could tell them about _my_ feelings on the matter.”

“Really, we would have saved ourselves a world of heartbreak if we had just let him speak,” Alec sighed wistfully. “Instead, Raphael only got around to telling us we were too young for him when we were both very invested in this entire affair. Isabelle cried for days, and I refused to talk to boys, claiming they were all liars. Of course, then Jace pointed out that _I_ was a boy, and I had a bit of an identity crisis and wondered if I was just like all those evil, evil men out there.”

“Well, I didn’t know about _that_ , but thank you for adding that little tidbit of information to the story, Alec,” Raphael chuckled. Alec cursed himself internally. He had completely forgotten that Magnus and Catarina were here, hanging onto their friend’s every word and chuckling silently as tears of mirth streamed down their faces.

“You have no right to be this amused,” Alec scoffed, booping his boyfriend’s nose and shaking his head at him fondly when Magnus only licked his finger in retaliation. “Seriously, why aren’t you more bothered by the fact that I used to have a crush on someone you see as a son?”

“Ha! A crush! So you admit it!” Isabelle exclaimed. “You spent months denying that what you felt for Raphael was a crush, but I knew I was right all along! I couldn’t have been the only one to like him as more tha- Oh _damn it_ , I did it again! Who on earth brought the vodka?”

“Isabelle,” Magnus said, shaking his head sadly at her. Realisation dawned on her face, and she pouted at herself, looking down at her glass in betrayal. “You should know better than to bring alcohol to an immortal party. Jace might be as smashed as you are, but Catarina and I are just pleasantly tipsy, and we both know your brother and Raphael aren’t going to get drunk, so…”

“So I’m alone in my despair,” Isabelle sighed heavily, draping herself across Catarina’s lap again and staring up at her girlfriend with wide eyes. “Why did you let me do this to myself? What kind of partner doesn’t stop their partner before said partner starts drinking too much and saying stupid things. I would never have agreed to tell this story if you had stopped me, Catarina. I thought you _loved_ me.”

“Oh, for god’s-” Catarina huffed. “Of course I love you. Besides, contrary to Magnus’ beliefs, not all warlocks are as resistant to alcohol as he is. It all depends on how much you’ve had to drink in your life, and I- Well, let’s just say the world is just a little bit spinny. But halt this conversation! I want to know about Alec and Izzy’s cute little crushes on our dark and broody Raphael! I mean seriously, who would have thought, _right_?”

“Look, Raphael was a lot more attractive when I was a kid,” Alec said, then frowned and tried again. “I mean, he _seemed_ a lot more attractive when I was a kid, because he hasn’t changed. Anyways, yes, we had a crush on him and yes, we embarrassed ourselves plenty, can we move on now?”

“No!” Magnus yelled, throwing his hands in the air and glaring at Alec as though he had personally offended him. “Alexander, how dare you try to put an end to this before we all get the answer we truly want to hear.”

“I’m sorry, _what_?” Alec had no idea what his boyfriend was talking about, but he was almost certain that this ‘answer’ wasn’t one he needed nor wanted. “Magnus, no one asked you anything. Or me. Or anyone, really. What question are you even talking about?”

“He wants to know which one of you Raphael would have picked,” Jace said smartly, looking far too sober for someone who Alec _knew_ was completely drunk. Really, Jace’s ability to appear more serious when he was tipsy than when he wasn’t would always remain a mystery.

And then his brother’s words caught up to him.

“Oh, no,” he shook his head rapidly. “Absolutely not, no one wants to hear the answer to that question, and I’m almost certain Raphael doesn’t even know who he would choose, because he’s happy and in love with Jace, right? I mean, this story has gone on for far too long already, maybe we should move on to something else. I have plenty of things to say about my siblings, and I promise they would be far more entertaining than whatever Raphael has to say about our crushes.”

“Oooh,” Catarina hollered, nudging her girlfriend playfully. “Looks like someone’s afraid to lose against you, honey. Not that I can blame him, since you’re obviously the better Lightwood sibling, but really, I had no idea Alec feared rejection so much. Maybe you still harbour feelings for our resident vampire, huh?”

“Oh my god, _no_ ,” Alec groaned, looking at Magnus for support. Unfortunately, his boyfriend looked completely unconcerned by the turn the night had taken. Alec should have known he couldn’t even trust the one person he loved most to defend him when it came to his humiliation. “Look, I don’t need to hear it, alright? We all know Raphael would have chosen Isabelle, since I’m- Well, I didn’t even give him blood!”

“But Raphael prefers boys,” Jace pointed out, gesturing at himself as though he were the perfect example and proof of why Raphael would have chosen Alec rather than Isabelle. “Don’t get me wrong, I also think Izzy is the sibling who attracts more people, but don’t dismiss yourself so easily, Alec, you have real potential. So come on, Raph, who would you have picked?”

“Well, you,” Raphael said seriously, gazing at Jace as though he were the single most amazing thing he had ever seen. “If I had to pick a Lightwood sibling, I would choose you over and over again, in every single universe.”

“Boo!” Isabelle yelled. “Stop it with the romance! Stop it with the sappiness! We don’t want love confessions, we want real admissions! Jace wasn’t even with us when we came to see you, so we all know you’re lying.”

“Isabelle is right,” Magnus nodded, glancing at Raphael sternly. “Look, you may not take this seriously, but this is a matter of great importance to two very drunk ladies and one very curious warlock. So, Raphael, who would you have picked? If you’ll let me make a case for Alexander, I would be more than happy to explain why he is clearly the superior Lightwood, better even than that cheap Herondale copycat you found.”

“Woah, if Magnus gets to make a case, then so do I!” Catarina said stubbornly, immediately starting to whisper something to Isabelle.

Alec stared at the chaos that had erupted around him confusedly, not sure _how_ they had gotten to this point exactly. He was completely sober, and yet it felt a little like he’d drowned in a bathtub of tequila and never made it out. Raphael and Jace were talking to each other, glancing between Alec and Izzy as though they were seriously debating who Raphael would have dated when Alec was _thirteen_. Catarina and Isabelle had their heads bent together seriously, their eyes narrowed in Alec’s direction. And Magnus…

Well, Magnus was staring at Alec lovingly, a sparkle of mischief glinting in his eyes.

“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?” Alec sighed, carding his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair even as he tried to pout disapprovingly at the warlock. “Was the story not enough for you?”

“Oh, hardly,” Magnus beamed at Alec. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love to hear about your childhood, and I’m very glad that you didn’t repress your attraction to boys all along, but I’m also very curious about Raphael’s answer. See, the thing is, I don’t actually know much about who or what Raphael likes in a person. He’s dated countless men and women, and they keep getting more interesting with time. Jace is… Well, Jace is certainly one of a kind, so I’m curious to see if Raphael would pick Izzy, who is a lot more like Jace than you are, or if he would pick you, since you’re linked to his boyfriend. It’s just so fascinating.”

“Oh, I get what this is now,” Alec drawled, glancing at Magnus amusedly. “You claim to be sober, but you only get this philosophical and inquisitive when you’ve had a little too much to drink. So much for warlock resistance, right?”

“Alexander, how dare you imply that I would get drunk on-”

“Don’t worry, babe,” Alec snorted, sending a competitive glance in the girls’ direction. “I’ve got you covered. If this is about science, then I think it’s time we up our game and show them what you can do in front of an audience. Loathe as I am to have you talk about and praise me in front of our friend, I’ll let you do it if it’s for the sake of your little experiment.”

“And they say romance is dead,” Magnus swooned, sitting up to peck Alec on the lips before cracking his knuckles and smirking wickedly. “Alright, let’s get this show started. Catarina is a lot more drunk than I am, which means she’ll be a lot freer with her speech. That’s a good advantage to have. However, the two of us have been together longer, which means my case will be a lot more solid. I would prefer to go second, but I think Jace is the one deciding on that, so…”

And that was how Alec found himself participating in a trial to see which Lightwood sibling was the best at two in the morning on a Friday night. Both warlocks had magicked themselves a lawyer’s outfit, and had put Alec and Izzy behind a table, claiming they shouldn’t interrupt the counsel. Alec was more than willing to follow Magnus’ lead, especially since the only reason he was doing all of this was to please his boyfriend, but Izzy kept trying to climb over the table to reach her girlfriend. She was failing miserably, but it was making Raphael frown heavily.

A point in Alec’s favour, then.

“Alright, Magnus will start,” Jace said seriously, placing his hand on Magnus’ shoulder and nodding at him as though he were about to defend Alec in a real court. And didn’t _that_ bring up some awkward memories. “Raphael and I have agreed to hear each of you for two minutes straight, so every word matters. Remember, you will only have one go at this, so don’t mess it up! And of course, stay safe!”

‘ _Stay safe’_ Magnus mouthed at Alec, who could only shrug in confusion. Jace wasn’t the most eloquent drunk, and Alec had learned to ignore most of what he said whilst under the influence of alcohol, drugs, and other addictive substances. Magnus’ lips quirked into an understanding smile, and then he was clearing his throat and turning towards Raphael.

“Your honour,” he started, which made Alec and Raphael snicker whilst the other three watched on in complete seriousness. “I stand here today to make a case in favour of my client, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Not only is he tall, dark, and handsome, he also holds a very good position within his business, which means plenty of wealth, as well as office shenanigans. On top of that, he is loyal, kind, and loves his family more than anything, and we both know how much family means to you. He is respectful and would not even blink at your sexuality, and he would probably donate all of his blood if it meant keeping you happy. Whilst he has a cold exterior, I think he matches you quite well in snark, intelligence, and complete obliviousness to other people’s feelings. He is not the warmest man, but neither are you. So, your honour, although it is said by many that opposites attract, it is also true that birds of a feather flock together and I strongly believe a relationship between the two of you would be a lot stronger than one with Isabelle, who is, need I remind you, a lot more interested in women and sex than men and romance.”

“And time!” Jace called out, interrupting the chaos that had broken out on the women’s side of the room.

Alec snickered into his hand. Magnus’ last statement had been a low blow, but it had clearly unsettled the girls, which had probably been his goal all along. He hadn’t been able to go first, so Magnus had made sure to sabotage the opposing party by completely throwing them off their game. And really, the best way to get Catarina to screw things up was by riling her up and making her lose her mind as she forgot to defend Isabelle and instead started slandering Alec.

Raziel, but Magnus was smart. The warlock in question bowed briefly for Raphael before winking at Catarina, and then he was sauntering back towards Alec with a smug smile on his face.

“Well played, babe,” Alec grinned, leaning over for a kiss and letting his boyfriend enjoy it for a while before pulling away. “Really, you were amazing up there.”

“I forgot to mention how good of a kisser you are,” Magnus sighed. “And that’s one of your strongest suits, darling, right up there with your great body and your incredibly large- large heart.”

“My large _heart_ , huh?” Alec raised his eyebrows, opening his mouth to comment on lack of sexual innuendos but getting cut off by Jace’s announcement that it was Catarina’s turn to make her statement. “Right, well, we have to listen for now, but I’ll show you just how big my heart can be later, alright?”

“Why Alexander,” Magnus gasped. “Are you propositioning me whilst I’m trying to show another man you two are perfect for each other?”

“Indeed I am,” Alec huffed. “I have no shame, I know, but what can I say? A single man could never handle me in my entirety, so I’ve had to learn to share with a few people here and there.”

“Could you guys _please_ shut up!” Jace yelled, banging his phone against Raphael’s conjured podium and shrugging when his boyfriend glanced at him like he was insane. “I don’t have a hammer, gotta do with the props around us, you know? Now, if the defending counsel is quite done with the strange mating ritual, we need to hear the other defending counsel! Catarina, the floor is yours!”

Alec and Magnus bit down on their bottom lips as Catarina swooped towards the centre of the living room, glaring at Magnus momentarily before she turned a dazzling smile on Raphael. At this point, Alec couldn’t care less whether he won or lost; he was going to have blackmail material for centuries. _Literally_.

“Your great honour,” Catarina started, sniffing proudly as though the added adjective was going to make or break her case. “I am here today to rectify the slander Magnus Bane has inflicted upon my client and prove that she is the perfect partner in all ways. But first, let me remind you that Alec Lightwood is the head of an institution you despise. He is a workaholic who never leaves his office and who lives in a building you’re not technically allowed to enter. Talk about impracticality.”

“Objection, your honour!” Magnus exclaimed, slamming his hand down on the table dramatically. “I call hearsay! Whether Alec does or does not live in the Institute is not common knowledge, and I refuse to have that be held against him.”

“Objection granted,” Raphael said approvingly, narrowing his eyes at Catarina in mock warning. The blue-skinned warlock looked appropriately chastised and took a deep breath before speaking up again.

“Isabelle Lightwood is a beautiful woman who can give you exactly what you need in life,” she said, staring at her girlfriend dreamily. Isabelle was smiling right back at her, a dopey look on her face, and Alec almost gagged on the sweetness. “She doesn’t squirm at the sight of blood, and I hear she’s very experienced with vampires. She is hot, sexy, and also very smart. And of course, she is the most generous and understanding woman you could ever-”

“And time!” Jace said, cutting Catarina off and drawing an angry exclamation out of Izzy as she tried to stand up and insist that Catarina should be allowed to finish her sentence. “The rules were clear, Izzy. Catarina had two minutes, and they’re now up.”

“But Magnus interrupted her!” Izzy reminded them, as though they had all forgotten what had happened just a minute earlier. “Surely, that time didn’t count.”

“It didn’t,” Raphael shook his head apologetically. “Unfortunately, Cat spent the first time of her defence trying to bring Alec down, and it cost her in the end. Now if you’ll excuse me and my assistant magistrate, we need to deliberate for a few moments before coming to a conclusion.”

With that, he and Jace turned their backs to them and huddled close together, their hands linked in between them even as they spoke agitatedly. Alec stared at them for a few moments but focused on his boyfriend as soon as he felt Catarina approach them, a stormy look on her face.

Alec could barely contain his grin; this was going to be _fun_.

“How dare you ruin my plans like that?” Catarina started, aggressively jabbing her finger into Magnus’ chest. “You claim to want a fair trial, and then you stab me in the back as though I mean nothing to you? Do you truly love Alec more than you love me? And if so, do you not trust your boyfriend’s charms enough to think you could win without sabotaging me?”

“Oh, Cat,” Magnus said lowly, patting Catarina’s shoulder as though to comfort her. “See, the sad fact is: you sabotaged yourself. Sure, I may have pushed you in the right direction, but your drunkenness is what got you to screw up in the end, and I have nothing to do with that. In fact, the only person responsible is the one you’ve been defending all along, so think again before you start blaming me for your misgivings.”

“You know what this means, right?” Catarina hissed underneath her breath, bringing her middle and pointer finger up to her eyes in an ‘ _I’m watching you_ ’ kind of gesture as she looked from Magnus to Alec and back again. “This means war, and not the pretty kind.”

“War!” Isabelle cheered from behind Catarina. She repeated the word over and over until her girlfriend retreated back towards her and distracted her with her mouth in a way Alec wished he had never seen.

“Well, that was a raging success,” Magnus grinned. “Even if Isabelle ends up winning because of some strange nepotism, we’ll both know who the best lawyer was, and you can thank him properly later tonight.”

“Oh really?” Alec said slowly, raking his eyes up and down Magnus’ body. “ _Now_ who’s propositioning who? Trying to get us into a foursome, babe? Because no offence, but I don’t think Raphael would be up for it, and I really don’t want to sleep with my brother, especially not when he’s inebriated and would probably have the audacity to say yes if we were to ask him.”

“Seriously?” Magnus’ eyes lit up, and Alec immediately regretted all his life choices. Why on earth had he decided to date the man again? What was so appealing about him, other than his face, his eyes, his body, his kindness, his power, his skill, his- “I’m kidding, Alexander, I would never sleep with anyone you were related to. However, if the mood for a ménage à trois ever strikes you, well… I know of a few interested parties, and I’m sure we could arrange something on the go.”

“That’s not going to- I mean, I wouldn’t- Wait, really? You know several people who want to sleep with the both of us?” Alec furrowed his brows, thinking about all the people he had ever met and wondering if he had missed some sort of sign every time. How on earth was Magnus the only one aware of other people’s hidden desires for a threesome?

“Oh, yes indeed,” Magnus smirked devilishly, leaning in closer to Alec so he could whisper into his ear. “Andrew and Lorenzo, for one, have-”

“Nope!” Alec yelped, jumping away from his boyfriend and flushing darkly at the mere thought of having sex with two of their close friends. It was ridiculous, could never happen, and also probably something Magnus had made up on the spot just to make Alec react the way he had. However, had it been real… “No, no, absolutely not.”

“See, your mouth says one thing, but your eyes say something else entirely,” Magnus grinned sharply, pressing a light kiss to Alec’s nose before turning back towards Raphael and Jace, who had finally stepped away from each other and were looking at the quartet seriously.

(Or at least, Jace was. Alec could clearly tell that Raphael was trying to contain his laughter and mostly failing, although his attempts were valiant.)

“We have come to a decision,” Jace said gravely. Isabelle and Catarina perked up, shooting dark looks in Magnus’ direction before concentrating solely on Jace. “After much deliberation, and my very unbiased opinion on which sibling I think is better at sex – sorry Alec – we have come to a final decision. Whilst we think the both of you are wonderful human beings, only one of you would have been able to date Raphael had I not been here, and had you let him speak up instead of- of- how did you put it again, love?”

“Instead of overwhelming me with shadowhunter nonsense and arrogance,” Raphael supplied, rolling his eyes when his boyfriend nodded along to his words.

“What Raphael said. And now, it is my great pleasure to announce that the winner of this competition is… Alec!”

Magnus cheered loudly, pressing an excited kiss to Alec’s lips before raising his arms in the air and dancing around happily. The girls looked simultaneously livid and extremely disappointed, and Alec almost felt bad.

 _Almost_ , because their lack of sobriety was completely their problem, and he and Magnus had won the fight – mostly – fair and square. He thought about shaking their hands and calling it a good battle, but then Magnus was shaking his hips in front of them, dancing in the most absurd manner Alec had ever seen from him, and he couldn’t even think about stopping _that_.

Instead, he sidled up to Jace and Raphael, the former of which had started dozing off on his boyfriend’s shoulder as soon as he had announced the verdict. The trio of tipsy and drunk people were still arguing on the sofa, so Alec took the opportunity to talk to Raphael about what had happened all those years ago.

He knew they had made a joke out of the entire thing, but a part of him was actually curious to know what Raphael had thought about the two young shadowhunters who had been determined to woo him.

“We were way too young for you back then, which I’m pretty sure I already said earlier,” Alec started quietly, staring fondly at his boyfriend as he used his wonky magic to try and fight off their friends. “But I’m curious to know what you actually thought when you realised we were trying to seduce you.”

“Well, I thought you two were the kindest and most adorable shadowhunters I had ever met,” Raphael chuckled. “I mean, most of your people used to spit on me and treat me as their inferior at every turn, so you two were refreshing. I never felt as welcome within the Institute as I did when I saw your faces waiting for me in that dark room. Honestly, I would have never dated either of you, but I enjoyed your efforts. And I wasn’t lying; if you had been older, I would have definitely chosen you, although I’m quite certain we would have never worked out. Our types are far too different.”

“Yeah,” Alec agreed, his gaze still fixed on his beautiful boyfriend. “But thank you. I know you didn’t realise it, but you were my very first crush, unlike Isabelle who had crushes on everyone. And I hadn’t really realised it was okay to be gay until then, but you never turned me away, and Isabelle was always supportive even when she was trying to outdo me, and it helped a lot.”

“Then why were you closeted for so long?” Raphael inquired, not unkindly. “If you didn’t feel like everyone would hate you for it, why keep your sexuality a secret?”

“Because even when I was okay with it, I knew other people wouldn’t be,” Alec shrugged. “And then I started listening to them more, and my parents weren’t exactly the best role models, and I internalised their comments so much that I couldn’t even remember who I loved. Not the most fun time of my life, but I got out of it eventually, and you helped, whether you know it or not.”

“And now I know,” Raphael smiled.

“And now you know,” Alec confirmed, the two of them falling into a companionable silence as they stared at their boyfriends – Jace had gotten up to join the fun at some point – fight with the girls in what looked like a mix between tug of war and a pillow fight.

“Still hate me for bringing that story up?” Raphael asked, shooting him a smug smirk. Alec only rolled his eyes at the other man. “Oh come on, you have to admit it ended in a rather spectacular fashion. I’m going to have so much to say when your wedding comes up.”

“Don’t take credit for the second part of that; Magnus and Catarina are the ones who started talking about defending us,” Alec snorted, before his mind caught on to the second part of Raphael’s statement. “Wait, _wedding_? We’re not even- I mean, we’ve just- It’s way too early- Why would you-”

“Raphael, did you break my boyfriend?” Magnus frowned, approaching them with a disapproving look on his face. “Because he looks a little bit broken, and I prefer him whole. He has some _very_ good parts.”

“I’m sure he does,” Raphael grimaced in distaste. “And your boyfriend isn’t broken, although I believe this is my cue to drag my own man out of here. Good luck with the girls; I’m not sure they’re going to make it out of here.”

Alec glanced back at Catarina and Izzy, who had lain down on the couch with their heads tipped towards the floor, and he had to admit Raphael had a point. Not that it really mattered, since Alec’s siblings stayed over at the loft whenever they felt like it. This wouldn’t be any different, except that he’d have to deal with two hungover women the next day. Hopefully, Magnus had some antidotes.

“Bye guys! Love you!” Jace called out as Raphael dragged him towards the front door. “And remember…”

“ _Stay safe_ ,” Alec and Magnus said in unison, giggling into each other’s arms at their perfect synchronisation.

“Well, maybe we should take his advice,” Magnus purred, trailing his finger down Alec’s sides and smirking victoriously when Alec shivered. “I remember being propositioned by my boyfriend earlier this evening, and I think it’s time for him to pay up and show me… What was it again? Just how big his _heart_ is.”

“Oh, you’re on,” Alec growled lowly, and then he was pushing Magnus towards their bedroom, laughing as they bumped into furniture and stumbled over discarded objects. The only thing that mattered was that they made it back to their room in one piece.

They did, and Alec proceeded to blow Magnus’ mind before accepting the same treatment in return. And as they lay in bed after their late-night activities, both sweaty and breathless and extremely tired, Alec turned towards Magnus and voiced the one thought he hadn’t been able to get rid of ever since his boyfriend had brought it up.

“So… Andrew and Lorenzo, huh?”

**Author's Note:**

> Heya guys! Thank you so much for reading! And thank you to [Em](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze) for looking over this fic and being the sweetest human being <3 I honestly have no idea how this came to be, but I hope you all enjoyed it!
> 
> Love, Junie. 
> 
> (find me on tumblr @hopesilverheart)


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